Particles

I keep hearing about all these effin' particles. I don't know what it's all about, but you should definitely check this out: http://news.yahoo.com/video/science-15749654/the-god-particle-27581961.html

The Final Frontier

Many of the people in the survey think the world will end because of something in space. Most of this seems to come from movies. Solar Flares, comets, meteors... all effin' popular. A few folks were convinced it was all due to something called Nibiru or Planet X. Right.Then there was the crowd that were sure that a group of shapeshifting reptiles from space called the Babylonian Brotherhood had already taken the form of important individuals. The fact that they think that Kris Kristofferson is one of the key individuals somewhat detracts from their credibility. But a big war with scaly dudes from outer space, how fun would that be?

The Religious Views

If you want to talk about the end of the world just look to religion for some effin' fun ideas. Just take the Hindus where some old dude named Vishnu comes back to the world calling himself Kalki, riding a white horse and carrying a sword that looks like a comet. He goes around destroying anything evil. Sounds effin' fun! And not all that different than Santa Claus who has a reindeer named Comet and flies around looking for naughty kids. Amazing parallels between the religions of Hinduism and Commercialism. Christianity has Armageddon and Islam has The Hour where Christ battles the Anti-Christ, Judiasm has the war of Gog and Magog, Zoroasterism has Frashokereiti, which sounds like an effin' excellent kind of dessert or coffee drink. And you could lump all the World War III numbers here as well since most people think that will be a war that starts between the Christian and Muslim nations. But even combined they can't quite keep up with the Natural Disaster folks. But if you ask me, I'm rooting for Ragnarok so I can see gods fighting giant wolves and serpents, dwarves and giants, because that's the kind of fighting I'm used to at the end of the world. Nice!

Why the World Will End

In order to better understand the threat to the planet, I've conducted an effin' scientific poll. As you can see no strong consensus has yet developed on why the world will end, but a lot of people are scared of natural disasters. Included in this were also typhoons, tsunamis, hurricanes, tornadoes, and one weird guy who mumbled about giant hamsters. Right. Considering the world has gone on for billions of years without being destroyed this way, it seems effin' loony to think that it will suddenly happen now barring an external stimulus, but who am I to say?

Step 3: Incentives

It's tough to get people serious about saving the world without some incentives to throw at them. Effin' sad, isn't it? You'd think saving the world would be good enough, but it never is. And even better if you have something that they can't get anywhere else. So I'll be introducing the hot new currency, BarfBucks. And there will only be a few ways to get them. Certainly they will be available for doing well at Barf University IDR classes. But if you want to get started on your BarfBuck account just drop me an email (I'm nigelbarf at gmail.com of course) and I'll credit your account with 25 BarfBucks. And the first few people that send me a note will get some bonus BarfBucks, so the quicker you get in, the better! Nice!

Step 2: Welcome to Barf University

If there's one thing I learned last time, you don't want to be approaching the end of the world without a good college at your disposal. And looking around here, there didn't seem to be any that were geared to the kind of thinking that we'll need to survive the coming year. So what do you do then? Right! Start your own! So I got all the effin' paperwork in and pretty soon you'll be hearing about Barf University. We'll have a revolutionary approach to education with on line classes that take just two weeks, and most importantly IDR, our Inter Disciplinary Roundtables where people from all different fields gather to work on the knotty problems threatening the world. Nice!

Step 1: STV

Right. I think I've solved my first problem, how to reach people. The effin' morons running that STV show have managed to build up a decent audience with nothing but weather and polkas. And they were looking for a way to expand their audience. Once I told them of my credentials running a band, not to mention building a huge following with the Wiznet, they were all ears. Fortunately they weren't smart enough to ask why they'd never heard of the Token Mystics or Wiznet, but they were keen on updating their format for 2012. So beginning on January 1, I'll be taking the stage as their new personality and in charge of programming prophetic music. Now I just need to find some prophetic music, or maybe write some...