Why the World Will End

In order to better understand the threat to the planet, I've conducted an effin' scientific poll. As you can see no strong consensus has yet developed on why the world will end, but a lot of people are scared of natural disasters. Included in this were also typhoons, tsunamis, hurricanes, tornadoes, and one weird guy who mumbled about giant hamsters. Right. Considering the world has gone on for billions of years without being destroyed this way, it seems effin' loony to think that it will suddenly happen now barring an external stimulus, but who am I to say?

Step 3: Incentives

It's tough to get people serious about saving the world without some incentives to throw at them. Effin' sad, isn't it? You'd think saving the world would be good enough, but it never is. And even better if you have something that they can't get anywhere else. So I'll be introducing the hot new currency, BarfBucks. And there will only be a few ways to get them. Certainly they will be available for doing well at Barf University IDR classes. But if you want to get started on your BarfBuck account just drop me an email (I'm nigelbarf at gmail.com of course) and I'll credit your account with 25 BarfBucks. And the first few people that send me a note will get some bonus BarfBucks, so the quicker you get in, the better! Nice!

Step 2: Welcome to Barf University

If there's one thing I learned last time, you don't want to be approaching the end of the world without a good college at your disposal. And looking around here, there didn't seem to be any that were geared to the kind of thinking that we'll need to survive the coming year. So what do you do then? Right! Start your own! So I got all the effin' paperwork in and pretty soon you'll be hearing about Barf University. We'll have a revolutionary approach to education with on line classes that take just two weeks, and most importantly IDR, our Inter Disciplinary Roundtables where people from all different fields gather to work on the knotty problems threatening the world. Nice!

Step 1: STV

Right. I think I've solved my first problem, how to reach people. The effin' morons running that STV show have managed to build up a decent audience with nothing but weather and polkas. And they were looking for a way to expand their audience. Once I told them of my credentials running a band, not to mention building a huge following with the Wiznet, they were all ears. Fortunately they weren't smart enough to ask why they'd never heard of the Token Mystics or Wiznet, but they were keen on updating their format for 2012. So beginning on January 1, I'll be taking the stage as their new personality and in charge of programming prophetic music. Now I just need to find some prophetic music, or maybe write some...

Where Do We Go From Here?

So what do we have? Movies that are closely related to things that actually happened elsewhere and elsewhen. Pop Tarts. Don't know how I ever got by without those. End of the world prophecies. If there is one thing I know about it is the end of the world. And what to do when you see it coming. You get the effin' smart people together and incent them to figure out what's going on. Just a couple of problems here. First, finding the smart people. There aren't any Masterminds here to use, and the politicians running things are about as effective as Azmok Blood teaching nursery school. And clearly, judging from this blog's readership numbers, the brilliant folks aren't finding their way here. Guess that'll be my first challenge, reaching the right people. Stay tuned.

Research Is My Middle Name

Right. Research really isn't my middle name. You got me. And, just for the record, I'm not going to tell you what my middle name is. So there. Everyone's an effin' critic. Anyway, after my last movie I decided to do some research to see if there were any other familiar faces in the movie library, and what do you know, I see this flick called 'Austin Powers'. That's a name I know. But I tell you, they sure got that one all wrong. C'mon, Powers was an effin' pissant. Dr. Evil was the true genius and star of that whole saga. Well, except maybe for Mini Me. He was an effin' beast, I tell you. And Evil was way taller than that, not even close. Although somehow they did get a couple of details right, his song was correct, and that effin' monologue about his parentage. Can't tell you how many times I heard that one. Although it was refreshing to hear it for once without having Mini Me humping my leg. Nice.

This'll Make You Wonder

As I mentioned, I went to a movie the other night. Lots of stuff at the theater, and what did I happen to pick? Lion King 3D. Nice. Sounded like a happy sort of film. Imagine my surprise seeing my old friend Rafiki up there on the big screen! And the effin' Rat Thing and Fat Thing as well. The filmmakers didn't do a half bad job either. Now you couldn't really tell how old Rafiki was there (and he is really old!), and the Rat Thing was really a bit rattier, and the Fat Thing a bit fattier, and in real life they could all dance a smidgen better, but they got the story about right and even had the effin' Circle of Life song. Made me downright nostalgic. Then I started thinking... how could someone here on Earth have made a historically accurate movie about creatures that lived many thousands of years ago on a world nowhere near here?