Nigel Barf provides keen insight about whether or not the world really will end in 2012.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Firsts
I got to have my first Christmas ever. I wasn't sure about the whole gift thing, but then Paul got me this electric pencil sharpener. Nice! I've never had one of them before. Now if I just had a pencil... I'm also excited about some other firsts coming up, my first time on TV on New Year's Eve, and then the first day of classes at Barf University. I hope to see you all in a BU class soon.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Need to Make Some Extra Bucks?
We could all use a few extra bucks this time of year. Especially BarfBucks. They're effin' hard to come by right now. But if you simply submit your own I Gotta Have My STV video your account will be credited with 50 BarfBucks. Nice! What could be easier?
Monday, December 19, 2011
Finishing That Thought
To finish up our survey results, there were a bunch of folks that were sure a big war was on the way. Some thought it would be between the Christian and Muslim nations, some between the United States and China, and one guy named Phil thought the war would be fought between Michael Jackson fans and Duran Duran groupies. In the Other category there were a lot of people who were convinced that cellist Yo-Yo Ma would cause the end of the world. An effin' cellist? Really? Or maybe they said Yo Ma-Ma. But I'm not sure who that is. Then there were the twins who would were scared that their pet hamster would mutate into a killer rodent. And then there was one guy who just kept chanting "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn". Or something like that. I just want to know why there are so many strange options here. Why not something sensible like a war to determine which half of the population gets eaten by Soul Lords?
Friday, December 16, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Large Hadron Collider
And speaking of the Large Hadron Collider, don't forget that 3% of our survey think it will be responsible for the end of the world in 2012. Nice! But I' not effin' convinced, after all the LHC is very heavily monitored for safety. In fact, if you are wondering whether there is a problem you can always check http://hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/ or http://www.hasthelhcdestroyedtheearth.com/ for up to the minute monitoring.
Coincidence? I think not
And the same day the Large Hadron Collider researchers are talking about a new particle, we also get reports of UFOs. http://news.yahoo.com/video/science-15749654/ufo-spotted-over-russian-protesters-27587904.html That should make you wonder what's really going on.
Particles
I keep hearing about all these effin' particles. I don't know what it's all about, but you should definitely check this out: http://news.yahoo.com/video/science-15749654/the-god-particle-27581961.html
Thursday, December 8, 2011
The Final Frontier
Many of the people in the survey think the world will end because of something in space. Most of this seems to come from movies. Solar Flares, comets, meteors... all effin' popular. A few folks were convinced it was all due to something called Nibiru or Planet X. Right.Then there was the crowd that were sure that a group of shapeshifting reptiles from space called the Babylonian Brotherhood had already taken the form of important individuals. The fact that they think that Kris Kristofferson is one of the key individuals somewhat detracts from their credibility. But a big war with scaly dudes from outer space, how fun would that be?
Monday, December 5, 2011
The Religious Views
If you want to talk about the end of the world just look to religion for some effin' fun ideas. Just take the Hindus where some old dude named Vishnu comes back to the world calling himself Kalki, riding a white horse and carrying a sword that looks like a comet. He goes around destroying anything evil. Sounds effin' fun! And not all that different than Santa Claus who has a reindeer named Comet and flies around looking for naughty kids. Amazing parallels between the religions of Hinduism and Commercialism. Christianity has Armageddon and Islam has The Hour where Christ battles the Anti-Christ, Judiasm has the war of Gog and Magog, Zoroasterism has Frashokereiti, which sounds like an effin' excellent kind of dessert or coffee drink. And you could lump all the World War III numbers here as well since most people think that will be a war that starts between the Christian and Muslim nations. But even combined they can't quite keep up with the Natural Disaster folks. But if you ask me, I'm rooting for Ragnarok so I can see gods fighting giant wolves and serpents, dwarves and giants, because that's the kind of fighting I'm used to at the end of the world. Nice!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Why the World Will End
In order to better understand the threat to the planet, I've conducted an effin' scientific poll. As you can see no strong consensus has yet developed on why the world will end, but a lot of people are scared of natural disasters. Included in this were also typhoons, tsunamis, hurricanes, tornadoes, and one weird guy who mumbled about giant hamsters. Right. Considering the world has gone on for billions of years without being destroyed this way, it seems effin' loony to think that it will suddenly happen now barring an external stimulus, but who am I to say?
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Step 3: Incentives
It's tough to get people serious about saving the world without some incentives to throw at them. Effin' sad, isn't it? You'd think saving the world would be good enough, but it never is. And even better if you have something that they can't get anywhere else. So I'll be introducing the hot new currency, BarfBucks. And there will only be a few ways to get them. Certainly they will be available for doing well at Barf University IDR classes. But if you want to get started on your BarfBuck account just drop me an email (I'm nigelbarf at gmail.com of course) and I'll credit your account with 25 BarfBucks. And the first few people that send me a note will get some bonus BarfBucks, so the quicker you get in, the better! Nice!
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Step 2: Welcome to Barf University
If there's one thing I learned last time, you don't want to be approaching the end of the world without a good college at your disposal. And looking around here, there didn't seem to be any that were geared to the kind of thinking that we'll need to survive the coming year. So what do you do then? Right! Start your own! So I got all the effin' paperwork in and pretty soon you'll be hearing about Barf University. We'll have a revolutionary approach to education with on line classes that take just two weeks, and most importantly IDR, our Inter Disciplinary Roundtables where people from all different fields gather to work on the knotty problems threatening the world. Nice!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Step 1: STV
Right. I think I've solved my first problem, how to reach people. The effin' morons running that STV show have managed to build up a decent audience with nothing but weather and polkas. And they were looking for a way to expand their audience. Once I told them of my credentials running a band, not to mention building a huge following with the Wiznet, they were all ears. Fortunately they weren't smart enough to ask why they'd never heard of the Token Mystics or Wiznet, but they were keen on updating their format for 2012. So beginning on January 1, I'll be taking the stage as their new personality and in charge of programming prophetic music. Now I just need to find some prophetic music, or maybe write some...
Friday, October 21, 2011
Where Do We Go From Here?
So what do we have? Movies that are closely related to things that actually happened elsewhere and elsewhen. Pop Tarts. Don't know how I ever got by without those. End of the world prophecies. If there is one thing I know about it is the end of the world. And what to do when you see it coming. You get the effin' smart people together and incent them to figure out what's going on. Just a couple of problems here. First, finding the smart people. There aren't any Masterminds here to use, and the politicians running things are about as effective as Azmok Blood teaching nursery school. And clearly, judging from this blog's readership numbers, the brilliant folks aren't finding their way here. Guess that'll be my first challenge, reaching the right people. Stay tuned.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Research Is My Middle Name
Right. Research really isn't my middle name. You got me. And, just for the record, I'm not going to tell you what my middle name is. So there. Everyone's an effin' critic. Anyway, after my last movie I decided to do some research to see if there were any other familiar faces in the movie library, and what do you know, I see this flick called 'Austin Powers'. That's a name I know. But I tell you, they sure got that one all wrong. C'mon, Powers was an effin' pissant. Dr. Evil was the true genius and star of that whole saga. Well, except maybe for Mini Me. He was an effin' beast, I tell you. And Evil was way taller than that, not even close. Although somehow they did get a couple of details right, his song was correct, and that effin' monologue about his parentage. Can't tell you how many times I heard that one. Although it was refreshing to hear it for once without having Mini Me humping my leg. Nice.
Monday, October 10, 2011
This'll Make You Wonder
As I mentioned, I went to a movie the other night. Lots of stuff at the theater, and what did I happen to pick? Lion King 3D. Nice. Sounded like a happy sort of film. Imagine my surprise seeing my old friend Rafiki up there on the big screen! And the effin' Rat Thing and Fat Thing as well. The filmmakers didn't do a half bad job either. Now you couldn't really tell how old Rafiki was there (and he is really old!), and the Rat Thing was really a bit rattier, and the Fat Thing a bit fattier, and in real life they could all dance a smidgen better, but they got the story about right and even had the effin' Circle of Life song. Made me downright nostalgic. Then I started thinking... how could someone here on Earth have made a historically accurate movie about creatures that lived many thousands of years ago on a world nowhere near here?
Friday, October 7, 2011
Ah So That's What's Going On!
Overall it seemed like it was going to be a pretty dull week. Got the clothes unpacked and the mini-fridge set up, tossed some junk the closet, bought a few things. Effin' boring. But then I hear these folks in a bar talking about how the world is going to end in 2012. Now that's more like it!
Some kind of ancient Mayan prophecy about everything going kablooie on December 21, 2012. Right. Those old Mayans might know something about cooking, but when it comes to the prophecy gig, they are effin' amateurs. Giving a specific date? Very bush league. Should be something like "when the crow drinks blood at midnight". Something that can't be verified. But picking an exact date more than 5,000 years in the future? Neophytes. Dec. 21 in which time zone? And everyone knows worlds tend to end in July anyway. Sheesh.
But at least it is a place to start. But enough for today. Me? I'm off to view a movie.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
...And Boy Are My Arms Tired
Right. Nigel here. Just arrived a few days ago and been having a look around. Effin' awesome place. Big cities. But I guess you can do that when the whole effin' place wasn't destroyed 250 years ago. Now that I have a place to stay and a way to get connected to information I guess I better start seeing what is going on here.
Not sure what I think about these devices for accessing the net though. So much more convenient just to have it appear in your head. Although it is nice to have a choice of the content you get, so there you go.
Not sure what I think about these devices for accessing the net though. So much more convenient just to have it appear in your head. Although it is nice to have a choice of the content you get, so there you go.
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