End of the Month...

... and so it must be time for a missive from ever-creepy Blog reader Nyarlathotep (hey I can spell that now without having to look it up each time) Cthulhu. Good ol' NC writes:

"Nigel, Nigel my friend. Why do you intrest yourself with with snakes and the leaders of men. Soon the dark tide will rise and wash them all away. Soon the elders will come forth and wipe clean the slate you call humanity. Give yourself over to those who will come, give yourself over to the future. Leave behind the children and join with the true fathers of eternity. Join us Nigel, join us."

I don't know what's creepier, Uncle Nyarlathotep's I Want You recruiting messages or the occasional Tasmania Fame Adopt-A-Planet blog posts. But I guess it's nice to be wanted... Right!

I Gotta Have My... NTV?

Not if you're US Ambassador Michael McFaul, who apparently thinks that a Russian TV station is breaking into his email and calendar according to Rival Kane. Right. You can read about it here. Maybe we at STV can learn something from those Russians after all, besides the exceptional Ukrainian presentation technologies demonstrated to us by Ivan Kraschenko and Gregory Runcic. Nice!

Noda in the News

Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihiko Noda is making the news once again, this time in conjunction with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg. You can read about it here. What could it all mean? Maybe Steve Martin knows...

The Place to be in 2012?

Don't want to die on December 21, 2012? Alert reader Blake Cates has found a possible solution (assuming the world even makes it that far!) You can check out the details here. I know where I'm going to be... well, okay, actually I don't, but I just felt like I had to throw that in. Right!

Aliens in Russia?

Alert reader Steve Martin has found this evidence of alien activity in Siberia. Check it out for yourself. Or ask Gregory Runcic. Maybe he knows something... Right!

Why 2012?

Some of our more on the ball readers have wondered why the Mayans picked 2012 as the end of the world. As if it was their choice... Anyway, here's one effin' theory that alert reader Doug Carr has found. Check it out. Nice!

Snagglepuss Stays Strong

Snagglepuss performed well in the Illinois primary keeping abreast of Romney and Santorum, while Cthulhu fell a little behind the pack. Snagglepuss managed to keep his core voters happy while reaching out to new constituents with his strategy of leaking likely cabinet appointments. 

Here we can see Smurfs lining up to place their votes for the pink puma.

Cthulhu is losing some headway as more and more attacks seem to be centering on him and his inarticulate platform. Only time will tell if he can recover and regain the big Mo!

More Mailbag

Raoul Pawn writes:

"SIR

As we approach our oncoming electioning of our PRESIDENT, I would direct your regard towards one of the PRIMARY supporters of one of the clandestine entities vying towards this candidacy, in name the STEVE MARTIN who supports the SNAGGLE pussy. I implicate as follows the following journalistic endeavor as part of your forward enlightenment: http://celebs.icanhascheezburger.com/2009/02/12/celebrity-pictures-steve-martin-possible-cyborg/

I am sure this information will be well within your purview as a regarder of election happenings.

I REMAIN,
Raoul Pawn,
Co-chairman,
SCCRAM"

Nice! We always appreciate the astute observations of great STV sponsors like SCCRAM (and SCRAM and SCRAM as well). And our readers always love news items highlighting the monumental comeback of comedian Steve Martin as well. A total two-fer-the-price-of-one deal! Right!

Sometimes the Snake Wins...

Check out this article to see Conan getting the worse end of a giant snake... Just goes to show that you better be careful who you piss off! Nice!

Mailbag

Gary Young writes:

"Mr. Barf,

It has come to my attention that your blog with its so-called BarfBadges may have been the stimulus for a number of recent break-ins at Masonic temples. We respectfully request that you rescind your Not-So-FreeMasonry BarfBadge.

Your readers should be aware that we are now enacting stricter security measures worldwide at our Masonic temples which may include increased alarms systems, guard dogs and armed guards.We advise all your blog readers that we take incursions on our temples to be desecration of holy ground and will use all means necessary to protect our temples.

Sincerely.

Gary Young
The Commander"

Rescind a BarfBadge? Even a 'so-called' one? Are you effin' kidding me? BarfBadges are like motherhood and apple pie! Do you want to rescind motherhood as well? Ha! Rescind a BarfBadge... but blog readers should take The Commander's words to heart I suppose.

BarfBadge Granted: Tasmania Fame

Tasmania Fame writes:

"Remember The) NAME: Tasmania Fame - FAME!

STV VIEWER REGISTRATION NUMBER: 1982

BARF BADGE REQUESTED:  Yummy in My Tummy - Public

REQUIREMENTS:

YUMMY IN MY TUMMY: Submit a picture of an experimental beverage. Include the effects of the beverage.

SUPPORTING DOCUMENTATION:

Drink Name: Mule Malt

Effect: +4 Willpower "

Nice! That would be Yummy in My Tummy. That'll get you 25/25.

BarfBadge Granted: Doug Carr

Doug Carr has received the Not So Freemasonry Badge (Private)

BarfBadge Granted: Blake Cates

Blake Cates writes:

"Nigel,

I am submitting Gregory Runcic for the Older Than That Barfbadge.

I believe that he was born on January 22nd, 1869 and his true name is Grigori Rasputin, the so-called Mad Monk that was directly responsible for the fall of the Czars of Russia.

Rasputin survived his numerous assassination attempts, including being poisoned, shot, clubbed, and drowned. He later changed his name to Runcic as a joke about being poisoned and continuing to run. (Runcic = Run sick).

 Thanks Nigel!

-Blake Cates"

Now that's my kind of BarfBadge submission. Nice! Let's see what we have here. First off, the badge is granted, because Gregory Runcic is, in fact, Older Than That. Now, the photographic evidence above is interesting, but take a second to watch this video that Spaz put together and see what you think...

 

Are Gregory Runcic and Gregori Rasputin actually same person? If I was judging solely by the video evidence I'd be sorely pressed to declare them one in the same. But, luckily I have access to other information that convinces me that they are not the same person.So the true name isn't correct, nor is the age even close, but the submission is so intriguing that I've got to score it 18/25.

I Gotta Get Me One of These

Alert reader Rival Kane has pointed out this fabulous site. So if you're finding your current skull to be inadequate, you might want to consider upgrading it. You just can't ever be too safe when it comes time for the end of the world!

BarfBadge Granted: Rival Kane

Rival Kane writes:

"Hey Nigel,

I ran into this bloke the other day while hanging out at a local pub.  I had an ale with him and it came to me this might be a good example for a Classy Barf Badge. Corwin deeds is a Class 4 (Talented) being who seems to be able to do magic which on this world is a talent, but this can be easily debated between mystics. His Picture has his nickname but his true name is Corwin Deeds!

Your Pal from the UK

Rival"

Nice! He's definitely a Classy individual, although given his propensity to show up in conflicts on multiple worlds I'd probably tend to think of him as more of a Class 3, but that distinction is always a little fuzzy, don't you think? As to his true name, didn't he have another name before he was Corwin Deeds? So I think you're still not quite 100% on that. Overall I'll go 19/25 on this.

The Votes Are In...

...and we have a winner in the effin' naming contest for the upcoming Reality TV show formerly known as Barf Like Me (RTVSFKABLM, hey that's not a bad name. Right!).

Though retaining Barf Like Me was a popular choice among many of our readers and viewers, it couldn't quite keep up with the juggernaut Apocalypse WOW. Nice! Of our submitted names the top vote getters were:

Apocalypse WOW (submitted by Blake Cates)

Last Man Standing (Steve Martin)

Always Survivors (Matraxis Vile) tied with Dancing with the Losers (Vash Dancer)

These top name submitters will win a fabulous assortment of BarfBucks along with a year's supply of Myth-O's cereal (it's Blasphemously Delicious!) and a free BarfPad.

Additional prize considerations will be given to Matraxis Vile for what was unanimously voted as the best entry description. Matraxis wrote:

"Nigel, the perfect replacement name for “Barf Like Me” is – “Always Survivors”. It’s close enough to that other reality show’s name that the casual (stupid) viewer won’t realize it’s different. Since “Always” can mean eternal, Eternal or Eternal, it will also help bring in that all important Freemasonry demographic to the show. By fortuitous coincidence, the Vile Institute happens to have t-shirts and other items in our gift shop with the “Always Survivors” motto on it, meaning we could instantly bring additional marketing support online to help with STV’s bottom line once your people and ours get all the details worked out.

Even better, we can make “Always Survivors” action figures like the Katarina “Always Busy” doll, the Kane “Always Killing” action figure, Nyarlatothep “Always Eerie”, Tasmania “Always Anonymous” and of course the Steve Martin “Always Talking” doll (gag included). Hmm, does “gag” mean a bad joke, a way to shut him up or what you do when listening? We’ll have to work that out.

Since you’re not going to get any better submissions, why not just close the suggestion box now so that everyone else can get back to their Barf U work before the deadline which is only a couple of days away!"

Thanks to our readers and viewers for all the great entries, and the really crappy ones as well. Now that we've got the name figured out I guess we should work on what will actually happen during the show. More details to follow about that soon.

July 15th, 2012

Not only is it ApocaPalooza, but it also appears to be the date that Facebook will shut down its service, according to this reliable source. Now for some people that would be the End of the World. Nice!

There's Still Time...

...to get your votes in for the naming of our upcoming Reality TV show. The voting is running extremely close, so your vote actually matters (unlike some elections where it really doesn't matter)! And you'll get the 10 BarfBucks (unlike some elections). Remember, send me your top three choices in order. Nice!

People Going Crazy

There’s a joke in psychiatry: If you talk to God, it’s called praying; if God talks to you, you’re nuts. Right!

Turns out that lots of people go nuts when they go to Jerusalem. You can read all about it here. Wonder why that happens?

BarfBadge Granted: Gregory Runcic

Gregory Runcic has received the Older Than That Badge (Private).

BarfBadge Granted: Robbie Tork

Robbie Tork writes:

"Nigel,

I am submitting for the Yummy in my Tummy badge.

Public

I found this tasty item "Flying Monkeys" in a refrigerator.

It adds 5 to your dexterity!

Now that's yummy."

 

Nice! I'd love one of those. That will get you 25/25.

Cloud Kingdom Update

Matt Mayfield writes:

Mr. Barf,

My name is Matt Mayfield and as president of Cloud Kingdom Games and as a loyal viewer of STV, I’m one of your biggest fans, at least among humans.

On STV recently I noticed you mentioned the pending shutdown of Cloud Kingdom and how you mentioned “checking your K-1s”. While I understand the sentiment, it’s not just people with K-1s who have a chance to purchase a piece of history, an aspect of our common gaming experience, a little immortality that cannot be measured in human terms,  that is fading fast even as we speak. Everyone, anyone, even people named Blake, Doug or Tim (as an example), or their spouses, friends, enemies, casual acquaintances and so forth who have a chance to bid on things at what are admittedly ridiculously low prices. The auction is open to ANYONE with US dollars (sorry, Barfbucks are not accepted) who might want to buy inventory (games, books, supplies and so on), as well as the rights to publish on their own our games and books. Perhaps some of your viewers want to get into the exciting arena of publishing, getting the rights to actually be the “owner” of classic RPG books and games from Cloud Kingdom, able to republish them or to try to sell them to some huge company for millions of dollars (note the use of “try to sell”). Or perhaps they just want lots of games they can sell on eBay, Craigslist or to their local comic store that they visit a couple of times a week.

The auction is quite different from something like eBay in that there’s no real pressure; no waiting until 00:00:01 before the auction ends to place a bid. Our intention is simply to transfer as much of our games and publishing rights as possible to people who REALLY want them in return for – well, as much money as we can get. Any time there’s a bid on one of the auction lots we take a three or four day break before the next round – it’s something even Katarina Drum would have time for. Current bids are mostly in the $10 range – that’s TEN US dollars – for most of the things on the auction list.

I would appreciate if you could let your viewers know this and that just by contacting me they will gain a huge advantage. As of this time, there have been – um, let me count – zero people who have contacted me about the auction, meaning that the possibilities of seriously scooping are immense. Even people who got their K-1s (some of whom had invoices in there which they haven’t yet bothered to pay) need to contact me to get put into the approved list for the auction group.

Everyone should also be aware that I’m opening bidding to people outside the “Cloud Kingdom Group”, meaning that if they don’t get their – appendages in motion, they are likely to not be getting the things they are sure they are going to get.

There is no obligation of any form what-so-ever with getting hooked up with the Cloud Kingdom shutdown auction, so I would encourage anyone who wants to get a piece of history (or the future, or possible futures or possible historic futures) to contact me about the auction or with any questions they have.  There is absolutely nothing to lose – it won’t cost you anything to get the information on the auction – so there’s no reason not to.

Oh, bidding on things in the auction doesn’t require the use of a joystick.

Thanks, love the show, miss the polkas,

Matt Mayfield

President, Cloud Kingdom Games, Inc

Want good game stuff cheap? Email Matt. More polka! Matt. Cloudkingdom.com

Wow, that's quite a mouthful. Maybe we need to expand the Fame-Martin Limiter to be a Fame-Martin-Mayfield Limiter! Anyway I hear that Evalina Gump is planning to try to scoop up the rights to Thieves' Island, so everyone should get their act together! Fortunately I don't have to worry since I had my monkey take care of all the details for me weeks ago.

New Blog that Matters

For those of you who think that Money Matters, check out Money Matters the new blog from the IMF Director of Asian Affairs Gregory Runcic which gives all the information about money that matters. Nice!

BarfBadge Granted: Doug Carr

Doug Carr writes:

Nigel,

I want to make a Classy Badge Submission.

A) Submit a picture of a being who is not class 5.

B) Put the True Name with the Picture

Conan

C) Explain what Class they are and what makes them this class.

He is a Class 3 being.  Why?  Because he is a descendant of the Atlantean Race.

Thanks, Doug Carr

That sure is a popular picture! Right! And the Being pictured is definitely Class 3. But he isn't a descendant of the Atlantean Race, so it isn't for that reason. As to his true name being Conan, that is surprisingly difficult to grade. Given that you are asserting he's Class 3, I'll have to say that, no, Conan is not his true name. Overall 18/25.

These submissions just keep getting more interesting every day! Nice!