Barf Badge Granted: Steve Martin

Steve Martin writes:

"Nigel:

This is an animal hunter Barf Badge.

ANIMAL HUNTER: Go out and kill an animal. The bigger and more dangerous, the better. Then get a picture of you with the dead animal and email it in. You gotta use the combat skills you learn at Barf University. No nukes allowed. Although scathing rhetoric may be acceptable.

I killed a Giant Crab. I hope I don't bleed too much on this submission. For a dramatic re-enactment see the video below."

Nice! That's one big crab. And look at those teeth! Oh wait, I guess that's the back view. Anyway, let's see. You hunted down an animal. You got an awesome video of it. It looks really, really big and dangerous, even if it was just a small one. But, in the end giant crabs aren't as dangerous as some of the other things out there... overall I'll go 20/25.

Tuesday Trivia Mailbag

Robbie Tork writes:

"Hey Nigel, everything okay? We missed our Tuesday morning trivia challenge.

Here's mine:

Why did the Orc cross the road?

Cthulhu k'yarnak ilyaa nw throd naflya! Of course."

  Uh... right?I don't know that there is much that I can add to that...

Those Five Little Words...

...that mean so much. Sadie writes:

"I drew you a picture. I hope you like it."

Well Sadie, I gotta say, it's Nice! Looks like I'm going to be getting a new rug. That blue and red will really spruce the place up. I hadn't thought of that, but it is a great idea.

See, I told you the chicks dig me!

Blah blah blah destruction blah blah blah join me

Nyarlathotep writes: 

"Nigel, Nigel my friend, it has begun. That which has blocked our way for millenia is now tattered. Soon the path will yawn wide and we will again trod the fields of Earth. The flowers will wilt at our passing and the forests turn to ash. Those who oppose us will be as dust and those who serve us will be exalted over all men. Join us, Nigel, for it has begun, join us."

How come nobody believes that I'm not really the joining type? Because, you know, joining up with some side or another ruins the whole unbiased-end-of-the-world-guy mystique which is such an effin' hit with the chicks!  

Announcing the Essies

With the whole effin' world about to end it seems like it would be a shame not to honor all the great entertainment that has come your way on STV recently. And heck, since I can make up a currency, a University and who knows what other crap, why not make up an Awards show too?

So we're instituting the Essie awards where you get to nominate and vote on your favorite STV videos. Here's how it works. We have several categories:

Best Song Video (video must be titled Song 1 etc)

Best Ad (video must be titled Ad 1 etc)

Best Other Video (any video that isn't titled as a Song or Ad)

Funniest Video (any video)

Best Production (any video based on its technical merit)

Token Mystic Award (any video which was most informative or relevant to the End of the World)

Each of you may nominate a video in each category. You may nominate the same video into more than one category (for example Best Ad and Funniest). It's okay if multiple people nominate the same video for a category.

Nominations must be received by May 3rd (so the May 1st videos are eligible)

You'll get the official ballot around May 5th

Votes must be received by May 9th

The winners will be announced on our May15th STV show.

You will, of course, be compensated for your thoughtful nominations and votes with lavish sums of BarfBucks.

Yet Another Sign of the Apocalypse

What would a world without water be like? Or one without oxygen? Or sunlight? Pretty effin' hard to comprehend right? Maybe even worse, what about a world without... I know this has some people shaking in their boots.

New Record Established

I'm sure you all already know this by now, but just for the sake of effin' completeness... We had a new record high score in IDR during our last session. Congratulations go out to Tasmania Fame for that excellent performance.

I suppose I would be remiss not to mention that we also had a new record low score. But we won't go into details here.