Barf Badge Granted: Gregory Runcic

Gregory Runcic writes:

"Nigel,

Attached is a public submission of Yummy in my Tummy:

Drinking this tasty beverage will increase your hits by 8! Monstrously good!

GR"

Nice! A submission that is short, sweet, and too the point. Kind of like a Golem Soda. Worth a 25/25. Although he must have found one of the extra-rare early prototype bottles. Because nowadays the cans look like this:

Barf-A-Thon Clarifications

Lots of excitement about the upcoming Barf-A-Thon. Nice! But it seems like there a couple of clarifications needed.

1. The rooms with searchable objects are one use only. The objects are a Level 0.

2. If you purchase the Song Lyrics or the File you'll receive an email from me asking you what you want. You'll need to respond back within a few days. You can't credit card these for later.

3. The Xanathorizine-X is for immediate use only.

4. The ring looks like this:

5. The books look like this:

In Space, No One Can Hear You Email...

...but somehow I continue to receive cheery missives from our old friend Nyarlathotep Cthulhu. He(?) writes:

"Nigel, Nigel my friend. A new month has begun and scant few remain before the end shall come. Soon the dawn of eternal darkness will be upon us and we who serve must stand beside the old ones as they cleanse this world. You are called upon to pave the way for us, yet you refuse. You risk all for nothing. Come Nigel, stand beside us. Come Nigel, stand with us. Come Nigel, stand with what shall be."

Turns out he must be in some effin' weird time zone, because that new month sure hasn't begun here. And besides wasn't there some old song with words like that?

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountains should crumble to the sea,
I won't cry, I won't cry,
No I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me.

Guess I never knew it was all about aliens. Right.

Election Results

Cthulhu cruised to an easy victory in yesterday's Arizona primary. In the Phoenix area there was  unprecedented voter turnout among younger voters in the 18-25 demographic. Their message was clear. "This country has been going wrong for years. Cthulhu is change. And I Embrace the Change" said one young voter epitomizing the sentiments of the disenfranchised.

In Michigan the race was still too close to call. It appeared that Romney and Snagglepuss were splitting the affluent votes, Santorum was receiving the votes of the evangelicals and Cthulhu the votes of the poor and the dead. If Romney is unable to win his home state it could spell trouble for him all the way to the convention in Tampa Bay in late August. Assuming the world is still around then, of course.

Maybe Doug Carr is Right...

Maybe they are trying to cover something up. Check this out. Notice how easily it is brushed aside. Right.

Some Rankings

Here are some new Rankings. Nice!

BarfBucks Acquired:

1) Blake Cates

2) Matraxis Vile

3) Tasmania Fame

4) Rival Kane

If you're wondering where you stand on BarfBucks, the overall average is around 210. Of course some people have more potential BarfBucks available because they have submitted less BarfBadges. But hopefully that will help you plan your Barf-A-Thon strategy accordingly.

Skill Points Acquired:

1) Gregory Runcic

2) Blake Cates

3) Katarina Drum, Rival Kane (tie)

Characteristics Acquired:

1) Tasmania Fame, Robbie Tork (tie);

3) Steve Martin

4) Rival Kane, Gregory Runcic (tie)

IDR Score:

1) Steve Martin

2) Tasmania Fame

3) Robbie Tork

4) Gregory Runcic

Interesting Items Found (Files, Books, Drinks...)

1) Dick Weed

2) Gregory Runcic

3) Danny Peng

4) Vash Dancer

Deal or No Deal Results

Things were definitely looking up in the latest Deal or No Deal Results as contestants became more familiar with game. The average score this round was a whopping 112,823 with a median score of 90,679. Nice!

Our top three this time were:

Blake Cates: 350,000

Tasmania Fame: 210,003

Matraxis Vile: 117,225

At the other end of the spectrum, Robbie Tork brought up the rear with a score of 382. Maybe you shouldn't be listening to those voices after all, Robbie. Ha!

After two rounds our leaderboard looks like this:

1)  Steve Martin

2)  Blake Cates, Gregory Runcic (tie)

4)  Katarina Drum

For those who are wondering, the leaderboard only takes into account which place you finished in each round. The actual score isn't used in the calculation, so one amazing or one very poor round won't skew the overall results.

Celebrity Update: Dick Weed

STV viewer Dick Weed was arrested by Federal authorities on suspicion of intent to deface a National Monument, breaking and entering, and conspiracy to overthrow the government. Apparently much of the government case rests of testimony of a special undercover FBI agent who traveled with Weed, along with video of Weed breaking into the Twine Ball Museum and notifications to police as he set off keypad alarms inside the museum. Oops.

FBI Special Agent 'Bernie'

The ACLU is claiming this is a free speech case and has offered to defend Weed, who is currently out on bail and not allowed to leave his home town of Pigeon Forge, Tennessee. Don't let this happen to you. Right.

Celebrity Update: Steve Martin

Several readers with too much time on their hands noticed Steve Martin checking into the Neurology Clinic at UCLA Medical Center recently. Naturally the staff there told us to go pound sand when we inquired into the nature of Mr. Martin's visit, but we hope everything is okay for former comedian.

Celebrity Update: Tasmania Fame

An alert reader noticed the Down Under Wonder Boy taking in some recreational activities at the Sea of Galilee. He was accompanied by a new unidentified female companion. Nice! Could this mean that Fame is off the market? That would be a blow to starstruck teenage girls everywhere.

Is This Fame's Flame?

Celebrity Update: Gregory Runcic

An alert reader snapped this photo of IMF celebrity Gregory Runcic in the Dallas Fort Worth airport recently.

Runcic: A Little Worse for the Wear

So far Mr. Runcic has not returned our inquires into the source of these injuries, but all of us sure hope he gets better real soon.

Blog Like Its the End of the World

Rival Kane has entered the world of blogging with his effin' new blog where we shares all of his Not So Deep Thoughts. You can read it here. So far it seems to be living up to its billing. Nice!

BarfBadge Denied: Robbie Tork

Robbie Tork writes: 

 "Name: Nyarlathotep

Before you deny this because "Cthulhu" has already been named, I claim this is NOT the Cthulhu Blake Cates submitted.  Blake Cates submitted the Elder God that is 'sleeping'. This Cthulhu is one of the great Elder Gods, and is water based. Nyarlathotep, may also have the surname Cthulhu, but is one of the lesser Elder Gods, and is fire based.  Also, Cthulhu has been here since the destruction of R'lyeh, submerged.  Nyarlathotep may have been here before as well, but I believe he has only recently returned (say Octoberish 2011). He landed in that funny crater that Tasmania FAME was talking about - and is probably responsible for the nearby fires in Cleveland.  There is little reason to submit a picture, because he is also a shapeshifter - but here is one I think may be recent:"

Nice! Nyarlathotep Cthulhu would be an Illegal Alien if, in fact, he were actually on Earth. But he isn't. Which is probably good since he writes really creepy emails. And obviously, he isn't the one that landed in that funny crater in Cleveland. Which, of course, brings up all kinds of interesting questions. I'll give this a 12/25.

STV to Post Record Revenues

STV viewership continues to grow as more and more folks find out about our new format. Nice! And advertisers have recognized the best way to reach the effin' demographics they care about most is through STV. In fact, our upcoming STV episode has so much advertising, we're having trouble fitting in the news and music.If this keeps up, we could become the first apocalyptic all-advertising show in the world!

And this blog's doing pretty good as well. Our February page views are already nearly double the January total. And we won't even talk about December...

BarfBadge Granted: Doug Carr

Doug Carr writes:

"Hey Nigel – You rock!

I am making a submission for the Yummy In My Tummy badge. 

As you can see from the picture, it is called Mad Minotaur.  I’m not sure if the use of adjective is referring to insanity or anger, but in any case it gives you quite a rush.

Drink this one and you will gain +3 Strength!

I don’t think there are any side effects. 

Thanks, Doug Carr"

Nice one, Doug. That's worth 25/25. And I understand it also has the added bonus of +3 Offense as well. Nice! Can't wait to get me some of that. Now, nobody else can submit Mad Minotaur for this badge.

IDR Modifications

Right. Now that we've been through a full month of IDR, it is clear we need a few effin' changes to the format. The first will be a great new piece of technology that Spaz has worked up called the Fame-Martin limiter. It will strictly limit all answers to 500 characters or less. Which is not the same as 500 characters.If you can answer it in 40 characters that's even better.

The second invention is the Weasel-Word filter. It automatically eliminates phrases like "some people think that", "it might be", and "perhaps...". It also notices when you are listing a bunch of possibilities like "Maybe it is a or maybe it is b or maybe it is c" and turns it into "The answer is a". And it does it seamlessly in real time!

Finally, Spaz has perfected the noise filter which eliminates large chunks of cut and paste wikipedia text. Remember the goal is to learn the stuff which isn't in the effin' wikipedia, not just repeat it out loud over the phone. It also eliminates chunks of text which are gratuitous efforts to bring in data that might be interesting on its own, but really isn't at all germane to the question at hand.

Ya gotta love that Spaz guy! Nice! Sure wish we'd had some of these for February. Oh well.

Nigel Barf

Barf University

Streamlining the IDR process for over 50 minutes now

Steve Martin inspires Greece?

As details come to light on some of the new Greek austerity programs, one must wonder whether Steve Martin himself worked with the Greek government on some of these effin' programs. And just to be clear we're talking about the Steve Martin, the Connecticut Testing and Evaluation guru.

One of the cornerstones of the Greek austerity is the new "pay to work" program, which in the United States is known as a "Steve job" (not to be confused with the late Steve Jobs).

You can read the latest on this concept here.

BarfBadge Denied: Rival Kane

Rival Kane writes: 

"Hi Nigel I was wondering the streets in my home town......following some interesting Characters around  I have nicknamed them HPK's.  Anyway I ran across this building.  It struck me as odd........I think it might be an Alien spaceship.  i had to get a closer look so decided to climb out on to the top of the building to check it out. You can make out Devora and Myself and a couple of security Guards trying to catch us as we checked out the Gherkin.  

well that is Effin all for now nigel

Cheerio,

RK"

Well Rival, I've got to admit the Gherkin is effin' strange as buildings go, and it does certainly have the look of a spaceship, but as far as I can tell it's just a building and really doesn't have a part to play in the End of the World. But for pointing out an awesome building I'll still give you 10/25. Nice.

Is It Me, Or Are We Seeing More Of These?

Another UFO sighting, this time in South Carolina. Make of it what you will. You can read about it here. Yep, a bloggers work is never done.

If Snagglepuss Can Do It...

When a cartoon mountain lion and a tentacled horror begin their runs for President, it really opens the effin' flood gates for everyone. The list of Presidential candidates is now well over 300 as you can read here.

We are so not going to track all of these...

Barf Badge Granted: Gregory Runcic

Gregory Runcic writes:

"Nigel,

Here is Gregory Runic and a couple staff members on a recent trip to visit the Ryugyong Hotel.

This Hotel epitomizes end-of-the-world buildings. In fact, it is the only one built for that specific reason! Its shape is as a pyramid is significant. It is in fact the largest pyramid in existence, and the tallest ever built.  The pyramid represents many things-- eternal life, the hierarchical structure of the Illuminati, the Freemason and Illuminati symbol of strength. Most of the pyramid Hotel is empty, to be filled at the right time with mystical power. As the Dec 21 deadline appears, the Hotel will serve as a focal point as the proponents of the New World Order combat threats from the mystical realms, space, Old Ones trying to rise again, and Gods arising from long sleep."

Nice! No question the Ryugyong Hotel is an interesting building when it comes to the End of the World. Although I must admit some of your hyperbole is overwrought. Saying it is the only one built for that specific reason? No. Maybe the only 100 story pyramid in North Korea built for that reason, but the number of buildings built because of the End of the World scenarios is mind-boggling.

And while it is true that there is some (at least to me) inexplicable open space in the hotel, I wouldn't go so far as to say most of it is empty, nor is it to be filled with energy. Everyone knows that pyramids aren't there for being filled! Jeez. Weren't you paying attention to Cates' picture?

Could it serve as a focal point for NWO types to combat some of the threats you outline? Absolutely. Although given it's geographical location, it seems more likely to serve in a different role than as a Focalizer.

Overall an excellent choice for this badge, but too many misses on the details to get you over the 25/25/ mark.

BarfBadge Denied: Tasmania Fame

Tasmania Fame writes:

"This picture (not the most flattering I’ll admit - but we were all required to where thermal protective gear at the time) is me at The Cleveland Port Authority -- Building 1750 the site thought to house the disturbance responsible for the recent  docklands damage and river fire.

Now of course we all know that Cleveland is beyond interesting, not only as the leading exporter of crippling depression, frequent STV coverage, haunt of Vigilante Kane and home of BU professor E. Gump but also as a powerful homophone in its own right: Cleave Land !!!

The dangerous nature of this homophone (can’t say we weren’t warned on STV) is demonstrated in this exclusive photo where an unbelievable amount of thermal energy was released from subterranean regions actually melting the building and surrounding machinery into a reflective silica like substance, and simultaneously beginning the process of cleaving the Earth itself in twain!!

As if all this was not interesting enough, consider that it is believed that Cleveland Port Authority -- Building 1750 lies at the direct intersection of several world-wide Pyramid Power Axis!!"

Right. I gotta admit I've had confusing entries and emails before, but this one takes the effin' cake. All I asked for was a picture of a building. Is that really so hard? If I'd wanted effin' pictures of a hole in the ground I'd have created the Bury My Rat BarfBadge.

Now admittedly, as holes in the ground go, it is one of the more interesting ones around. The fact that something got hot enough to turn the dirt into glass and color it blue via vaporized copper and slag some other metal (Spaz thinks titanium) into decorative striations isn't something you see everyday.

But some of the effin' crap in that description! Like a slag hole in a warehouse in Cleveland was the starting point of cleaving the earth in two? Thermal energy released from subterranean regions? I want to join your after-after parties Fame so I can think up stuff like that. Well, and maybe for some K&K with your fans if you know what I mean. Nice!

And thinking that pyramids had something to do with this? Now I'll be the first to admit that the wording "it is believed that..." makes that statement undeniably true, but believed by who? The same people that are sure that Giant Hamsters will cause the end of the world? And come on, especially given Cleveland's history with pyramids. Look how they even messed up their own.

Now I can see how you might not have noticed, since you probably think that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame was a building that was all about you, but they cut their effin' pyramid in half! Morons! So in spite of your plain politicking for a "> 25/25" I have to strain even my legendary generosity to rate this a 13/25. And please, everyone, don't all rush to submit any more pictures of holes in the ground, or I'll ask Steve Martin to write me a blog post defining the word 'building'. Reading that'd chew up the rest of your week.